The Crime of Cringe

Why Everything in Culture is Cringe

Pranjal Gole

Alice Shao, Staff writer

The modern world has been overrun with all sorts of cringy behavior. Of course, it is possible that such deviation from socially accepted behavior has always been present in society, but social media and the internet have truly brought these deviants into the spotlight. Playing video games popular a decade ago? Cringy. Listening to pop music? Cringy. Listening to music that is not pop music? Also cringy. Everything that everyone else does is absolute cringe.

 

The world would be much improved if everyone acted like a completely normal human being that only does what is acceptable. If everyone did completely normal things like listen to the ambient noise of the universe, play tabletop games with armies of ultra-realistic figurines, and dress completely in pelts and furs, the world would be free from so much cringe. 

 

Maybe this would mean  everyone would be exactly the same, but that is a small price to pay to get rid of the cringy interests of everyone of other ages, cultures, subcultures, regions of the world, talents, social classes, alternate dimensions, and magical abilities. Even without all these cringy interests, there can still be variety. After all, the members of this glorious future can choose whether to listen to the sound of supernovas or the sound of Venus. As long as, of course, they do not listen to cringy music like every other genre in existence.

 

There are those who believe people with cringy interests should not be insulted, bullied, harassed, hunted down, persecuted, monitored by the government, marooned on a tropical island, or exiled to an alternate Earth for what they like. What nonsense. If someone dares to be slightly different from everyone else, they should be treated like the worst criminals of society. In fact, the laws of the universe should be rewritten to target and punish people that like cringy things. Yes, the laws of physics should be changed to trap the cringy in a stable time loop for eternity.

 

Of course, for the members of this brave new world who have interests that are completely non-cringy, there is nothing to fear. There is no way that society might turn upon the non-cringy and suddenly determine that what they like is cringe. Those that become guilty of being cringy in the future must have always been cringy. Society decides that listening to the sound of supernovas is now cringy? Such a taste in music must have always been cringy. The will of society is eternal. The will of society controls the past and the future. War is peace. Conformity is cringe.

 

By erasing all individual identity, the world will finally be free from cringe. By removing the freedom to take interest in the unusual, the world will finally be free from cringe. By exiling the deviant and the cringy heretic that believes that what is normal is actually cringe, the world will finally be free from cringe. There may be those that are resistant to this new world order now, but they will see the light when the universe is rid of the scourge of cringe.