Costume catastrophe

Halloween is approaching at a rapid speed and the tacky getups and false eyelashes are coming even quicker.

There is much to be said about the fright-filled night, but even more to be said about the frightful attire.

Halloween is an evening full of opportunities to express yourself and have fun, but not too much fun. There is some attire you should avoid at all costs and keep in your closet this Oct. 31.

According to the hit movie “Mean Girls,” “Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total [you know what] and no other girls can say anything about it.” Thanks Cady Heron, but no thanks. You created a never-ending plethora of adolescent girls exposing too much skin and too much bunny ear.

I, of all people, am all for letting your inner-self reflect through what you wear, especially on Halloween night. But you need to have a little class and put away your—well, you know what I’m getting at. Teenagers are pushing it as it is, celebrating a night for 7-year-old Power Rangers and Cinderellas, so show a little respect.

Guys, you aren’t off the hook either. I have gone trick-or-treating my whole life and have noticed a troubling trend. No guys are dressing up anymore. What happened to all the bloody masks and vampire fangs you used to sport while getting your yearly crazy candy fix? Did they disappear with your sense of creativity? Here’s a tip: take off your snapbacks and cargo shorts and put on something people won’t forget. If the crazy clothes and stupid shoes intimidate you, a way to get people’s attention is to at least add a wig to your normal outfit.

This Halloween, I expect to see a wave of redneck outfits and lots of cheap lipstick (which I’m not too fond of).

An outfit we will for sure see is the leggings plus flannel shirt around the waist, a happening outfit for this autumn season, however NOT a Halloween costume. If you can wear the outfit to school, it should stay in your wardrobe on Oct. 31.

Another outfit I expect and dread to see is the Cowboys jersey and blue jeans “costume.” You are not Tony Romo at a team dinner. If you want to be a football player, grab your helmet from freshman year, your neighbor’s shoulder pads and put on the jersey. Be a football player, not some guy with a lame replica jersey from Dick’s Sporting Goods.

This Halloween you should be yourself, but not without good taste. Halloween isn’t the time to pursue your dreams of posing for “Playboy,” but don’t cover yourself with normal clothes either. Take this one night a year opportunity to show people what putting some pizzazz in your persona and some candy in your pillowcase looks like. Happy trick-or-treating!